


Safe in these Arms of Mine

by mygreatwidesomewhere



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Domestic Fluff, Donghyuck is the best boyfriend, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Na Jaemin-centric, Sad Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25069861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygreatwidesomewhere/pseuds/mygreatwidesomewhere
Summary: The first time a life slips through Jaemin’s fingers, he’s devastated. But Donghyuck is there for him. Eventually, he’ll be okay.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	Safe in these Arms of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> The complete and utter lack of Nahyuck on my tl got to me and I don’t know how but I ended up writing this so… um… yay for Nahyuck! I hope you enjoy reading this <33

_ 4.00 a.m. _

__ Donghyuck puts his phone down beside him, cranes his head upwards, his neck leaning on the sofa and stares at the ceiling for a while. The emptiness of the view parallels the deafening silence of the living room. There’s nothing to see. He shifts his head to the front door. No sound, no hint of movement. Back to the ceiling it is. He’s had enough of that though.

He grabs his phone and checks the time again.  _ 4.02 a.m. _

It’s been about 5 hours since Jaemin’s shift at the pediatric ward was supposed to have ended. He was supposed to be home 4 hours ago to wish him a happy birthday at exactly 12.00 a.m. like he does every year. 

Donghyuck was disappointed, of course he was, but he understood. He knew that this was what he was getting into when he started dating a med student. It’s the first time Jaemin’s been late to greet him and it’s just his first year as a practicing doctor so he supposes that it won’t be the last. There’s a pang in his heart but it can’t be helped. For as much as he wants to be selfish and spend every waking hour with Jaemin, especially on his birthday of all days, there are people who need him. That’s why Jaemin wanted to be a pediatrician in the first place. It’s always been his belief that he should give as much as he can to help others, that he should lend his hand to lift others up. And he’s always had a soft spot for children, always hated to see them suffering. He’s just so  _ good _ and Donghyuck wouldn’t give him up for the world. It’s his honour to be able to support the one he loves as he does what he loves, as he shares his love with everyone around him. That, of course, includes Donghyuck sharing Jaemin’s time. 

That said, Jaemin being  _ this _ late and not responding to any of Donghyuck’s borderline frantic messages and phone calls has set off warning sirens in his head. It’s just… not a Jaemin thing to do. Of the two of them, he’s the one who’s most diligent about texting the other to update them on their day (and to nag) and to be met with radio silence from him for hours is one of the most worrying things Donghyuck has ever experienced.

He hasn’t been able to stop looking at the door or checking the time on his phone which really is counterproductive given that time only seems to move drag on when he’s hyper-fixated on the numbers on his phone signalling every slow, excruciating minute that passes. It especially doesn’t help that he had hardly seen Jaemin the day before, the last time they saw each other not being the most promising.

_ “Hyuck, baby, c’mon it’s time to get up,” Jaemin’s strangely high-pitched yet soft motherly voice interrupts Donghyuck’s peaceful sleep. He almost thinks he’s in pre-school being woken up by the teacher after an afternoon nap. Except it’s far from the afternoon. _

_ Donghyuck, face still pressed to the plush pillow beside him, opens one eye to glance at the digital clock on the bedside table. 6.00 a.m.  _

_ “No, it’s not. It’s too early, get back here,” Donghyuck mumbles sleepily as he makes grabby hands at Jaemin, trying to invite him back to bed and into his arms. Even in his half-awake state, he knows Jaemin’s schedule like the back of his hand. Jaemin isn’t supposed to clock in at work until 11.00 a.m. Plenty of time to cuddle and go back to sleep. _

_ Unfortunately, Jaemin doesn’t let him, preferring to reach for Donghyuck only to start tickling his sides. Jaemin’s relentless in his attacks as he continues to tickle the squirming boy who has somehow ended up underneath him so even when he gasps out a breathless, “Okay, okay, I’ll get up! Stop it!”, he doesn’t quite count that as a loss. And in true Donghyuck nature, he gives Jaemin a pointed look to show just that though Jaemin’s raised eyebrows that hint that he won’t hesitate to continue with his tickling earn him a pout. He’s at his boyfriend’s mercy and it won’t do to further provoke him. Moreover, he’s curious about what Jaemin is waking him up earlier than normal for when he’s the one always insisting that Donghyuck should get as much sleep as possible even when he has to go off for work at ungodly hours of the morning.  _

_ With some help from Jaemin, as a result of his own whining (cutely, if he does say so himself), he manages to sit up, messy bed head and all judging by Jaemin’s endeared laugh. Getting to hear Jaemin laugh like that, seeing him smile so widely with his eyes twinkling like the stars, he finds that even the slightest of irritation seeps away into a warm, fuzzy sensation. Too bad the carefree happiness in his expression melts away, replaced by an expression of guilt and… nervousness? _

_ A wave of concern washes over Donghyuck at the sight and he instinctively reaches his hand out to cup Jaemin’s face, thumb brushing over his cheek as he asks, “What is it? Baby, what’s wrong?” _

_ Jaemin leans into his touch, basking in the warmth of Donghyuck’s skin for a while before answering. “Don’t worry, nothing’s really wrong. There’s just an influx of patients coming in today and they need me over there so I’ll be heading out early.” _

_ Despite Jaemin’s words of reassurance, Donghyuck can’t help but be skeptical. Donghyuck knows Jaemin inside and out after being with him for so many years. He’s holding onto Donghyuck’s hand and pressing feather-light kisses on the inside of his wrist - something he tends to do when he’s feeling jittery and anxious and in need of something to keep him anchored onto shore in the midst of the storm of his emotions. So, looking into his shaking pupils, Donghyuck gently pleads,“That’s not all, is it? Talk to me.” _

_ Jaemin takes a moment to search Donghyuck’s eyes and sighs. Knowing him, he probably decided that he didn’t want to worry Donghyuck by leaving him out of the loop, not when he'd already noticed something off. Donghyuck’s always been stubborn like that. _

_ Sighing, he explains, “There’s an operation today. An important one. And it’s hard, harder than anything I’ve ever done before. I’ve been practicing over and over again and making sure I know all there is I need to know especially what to do if something ever goes wrong, god forbid that happens, that’s a literal child’s life at stake I can’t let anything go wrong but even if, let’s say, I happen to do my part without a hitch, there’s always the possibility of all of this just not working for the kid at all, maybe even backfiring on her and I-”  _

_ “Jaemin. Baby. Breathe.” _

_ “I just want her to be okay,” he slumps in defeat, “She’s so young. She’s a wonderful child with big dreams and a bright future and plenty of people who love her. Her life, every life, is so precious and it’s all in my hands. I’m just scared it’ll slip through my fingers.” _

_ Donghyuck’s usually a great person to go for comfort. He prides himself in it. But this isn’t something he can really solve with smiles and jokes that lift the mood. At the end of the day, those things won’t take off the weight of the responsibility on Jaemin’s shoulders and Donghyuck himself can’t take up that mantle, he’s far from qualified. But one thing Donghyuck is qualified for, one thing he’s best at, is knowing and loving Na Jaemin.  _

_ “I can’t tell you everything will be okay. I don’t know a damn thing about all this medical stuff or about your patients. I do, however, know you. I know that you’ve done everything you can to prepare for this. I know how much you treasure your patients, how much you want to help them. I know how many people these hands of yours have reached out for and lifted up. I know that you, my love, are a fighter and that you don’t just do it on your own because you inspire others to fight too. You are the light in the darkness for so many people, your patients included, and we’re all better for it,” taking in a short breath, the intensity of his feelings for the boy in front of him just pouring out of him, he lets out a small smile, “And that’s enough. Whatever the result may be, you have done so much by just being the wonderful person you are. You are more than enough and even if you have trouble believing that, know that I’m here and that I love you always.” _

_ And in spite of all that he’s said to Jaemin, hypocritical as it may be, he hopes that what he’s said is enough for him too.  _

_ When a small starts tugging at the corners of Jaemin’s mouth as he stares at him fondly, Donghyuck thinks it just might be. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me strong. Thank you for being born and meeting me here in this world and being everything I could ever hope for.” _

_ “Shouldn’t you be saving that for your romantic birthday speech for me tomorrow?” Donghyuck teases as he leans in towards Jaemin.  _

_ “I’d say it every second of every minute of every hour of every day if I could,” he replies with a sincerity that Donghyuck doesn’t expect (even though he really should by now), causing a blush to form on his face.  _

_ “And of course, I’ll be here at 12 on the dot later to say it again,” he continues before placing a chaste kiss onto Donghyuck’s lips. And another. And another. And another, as if savouring the taste of him to prepare for the tough day ahead. _

  
  


__ He might’ve successfully reassured Jaemin before he left for work but it’s been hours and he’s been getting a weird, maybe even bad, feeling all day so to say that the dark pool that’s been swirling around his stomach since he realized that Jaemin had yet to show up or even contact him since the promised time passed has been making him seriously nauseous is an understatement. He had tried to take his mind off the fact and let the time pass by baking some cupcakes even though Jaemin told him that he’d be the one in charge of the kitchen for the entirety of his birthday but that did little to ease his worries as the saccharine sweet smell wafting through the kitchen only served to make him feel even worse. He spent the rest of the time just pacing about whilst constantly checking his phone but it did nothing to dispel the nervous energy. Finally, he attempted to just settle on the couch and try to calm himself down with some breathing exercises but really all that did was give him even more space to just stew in the horrible thoughts floating around in his head of his boyfriend possibly having been kidnapped or having gotten into an accident on the way. He’s not usually one to entertain these kinds of things but it’s late and he hasn’t slept a wink and Jaemin isn’t around to cuddle and wish him happy birthday and he hasn’t so much as texted so he’d like to think his mind going on overdrive is totally normal. 

It’s only when he hears a familiar ringtone that all of those thoughts are brought to a sudden halt. Donghyuck swears he’s never picked up a call so fast in his life. “Renjun?”

“Yeah it’s me, sorry I couldn’t call earlier, I was held up-”

“No, no, it’s okay. How’s Jaemin? Is he with you? Is he okay?” 

A pause, followed by a sigh.

“No, he’s not. Can you come over and pick him up? I’ll explain on the way. I don’t think he’s in any state to be driving home on his own.”

And so he does. 

Without even changing out of his bear-patterned shorts or Jaemin’s shirt that hangs loosely on his shoulders to expose his collarbones, he immediately grabs his keys and rushes out of the house. Before he knows it, he’s already driving through the empty streets in the dark of the night, only Jaemin on his mind.  __

__

♡

Renjun, one of Jaemin’s colleagues and an old friend of theirs from college is waiting by the entrance by the time Donghyuck reaches the hospital. The grim expression on his face doesn’t do much to ease Donghyuck’s worries.

They make their way past the bustling lobby where doctors and nurses are rushing about in their scrubs in a flurry, phones are ringing incessantly and sullen and tired looking people seem to be milling about. It’s a whole mess, more so than when he usually comes by to bring Jaemin his lunch (after lots and lots of complaints about how he’s so sick of the bland hospital food and how he just wants to eat Donghyuck’s cooking). Even so, they somehow manage to weave past the crowd, Renjun leading him to a door that leads him outside the hospital. A backdoor presumably. 

Without so much as a word, Renjun nods towards a corner a few metres away from where they’re standing and makes his way back inside, leaving Donghyuck alone to do what he needs to do.

There sitting on the floor with his knees held up and framed by his arms, curling into himself is his boyfriend, someone who is larger than life and overflowing with love looking smaller than Donghyuk has ever seen him. Tentatively, he walks forward until he’s standing beside him, his shadow falling over the man in a white coat that seems much too heavy for his trembling shoulders. 

They’ve stood by each other through late nights spent cramming for their exams, through the general turbulence of adolescence, through the changes they had to adapt to as they stepped into the working world, all in spite of the conflicting schedules and distance and doubt and arguments. It still hasn’t prepared Donghyuck to deal with this. 

He knew, of course, that as someone working in the medical field, Jaemin would be face-to-face with death day after day. He knew that Jaemin, his sweet and endlessly loving Jaemin would give and give and give as much of himself as he could to help as many children as he could. He knew that even so, no matter how much Jaemin did, no matter how skilled he was, that it might not be enough. And yet, it couldn’t possibly prepare him to see Jaemin like this - beaten down and drowning in despair. Because just as much as Jaemin is strong and brilliant in his love for everyone around him, he’s equally as vulnerable to the devastating blow of their loss. 

For once, Donghyuck doesn’t have the answers. Jaemin is at the front lines in the battle between life and death. A battle that, for Jaemin, is just beginning. A battle that Donghyuck, at the moment, plays no part in.

And yet, Donghyuck can’t simply watch from the sidelines. He can’t just wait for Jaemin to trudge home wearily and despondent after every grueling day. Like always, he wants to be there for him as much as possible. If even coming home is too much for him, if he can’t even take another step as the burden of the lives he has on his hands weighs down on him, Donghyuck will bring home to him. Even if it’s just by being by his side. And that’s exactly what he does.

Slowly, quietly, he slides his back down the wall until he’s sitting beside him, their knees touching. He brings up his hand and gently trails it down Jaemin’s arm until they reach his hand before rearranging them such that they’re clasped together, intertwined. Then, he waits, never placing more force than necessary to keep their hands together even when he feels the tremors of Jaemin’s hands on his, letting Jaemin know he’ll simply be there for as long as he needs, that there’s no need to rush. 

They sit in silence for a while. How long exactly, Donghyuck can’t tell. He doesn’t even make a move to check the time on his phone, he just continues to stare into the distance, watching as the few stars he can pinpoint fade from view and the dark sky turns into an ombre as the incoming rays of sunlight wash it with colour. It brings a different sort of peacefulness, one that’s warm and hopeful. A new day has come and like the rising Sun, Jaemin raises his head from the mini-cocoon he’s made for himself, bringing Donghyuck a semblance of relief even if he has yet to utter a word.

Jaemin starts untangling their hands but before Donghyuck can miss his warmth, he shifts his palm to cup the back of Donghyuck’s hand as he lifts it up, bringing it to his face. He starts pressing his cold, chapped lips onto the inside of Donghyuck’s wrist, sending tingles up his arm at the sensation. He stays in that position for a while, almost as if he’s drinking in all of Donghyuck, like a vampire thirsting for his blood if only to keep a part of his boyfriend with him, to be one in every way. It’s different from normal, Donghyuck can feel his desperation as Jaemin holds him, his hands trembling still, even as he presses hard kisses onto his skin, afraid to hold on too tightly and break him and yet too scared to let go. 

And still, he shatters. Heart breaking into a million pieces as he feels a wetness on his palm, as he sees droplets of tears sliding off Jaemin’s long eyelashes. “I lost her.”

It’s a sentence he breathes out shakily, hardly even a whisper, as if he can’t bear to say it out loud and yet it’s an intrinsic part of him, a permanent scar left on his being, the truth to the situation he’s found himself in. It’s a reality he can’t run away from. Donghyuck can only hope to be his shelter in the midst of the storm. 

“You did your best.”

Donghyuck can’t help the choked up sob he lets out, his watery eyes mirroring Jaemin’s own though he tries to blink them away. Jaemin rarely ever cries, always staying strong and holding it in so he doesn’t worry anyone. But just for now, he’s letting down his walls, he’s letting Donghyuck in. And he hates that that’s all he can say. But that’s truly what he wants to convey. Because he knows, he knows about the sleepless nights spent monitoring his patients conditions, spent wondering what more he can do to help the children under his care. He knows about how much he treasures the lives in his hands. He’s sat across him on the dining table listening to him rattling on about how a patient has been showing signs of recovery and how the children would hug him, look up at him with their big round eyes and thank him (sometimes at the insistence of their grateful patients but Jaemin never minds that, he’s always just happy to see the kids doing well). 

“You did your best, okay? You really really did,” Donghyuck can only repeat, can only insist, watery as his voice is, “Thank you for that.”

♡

By the time the two of them get back home, the Sun’s already high up in the sky, bringing forth the start of a new day for many people who are only just getting up. But for Jaemin, it’s a time to finally get some rest. 

The second he steps into their house, he notices a tray of cupcakes on the kitchen counter. “Didn’t I tell you I’m the only one supposed to be cooking and baking in the kitchen today?” he jokingly whines though it lacks his usual energy. Even if he pretends to be okay, the weariness seeps through. 

“I was just bored,” Donghyuck defends himself with an effortless lie as he starts clearing the counter though he’s sure that Jaemin can see through it easily, “Besides, I’m definitely not letting you into the kitchen at all today. You look like a dead man walking so by the time I’m done here you better have changed into your pajamas and be ready for bed.”

Jaemin doesn’t even have the energy to protest, not when Donghyuck gives him a stern look and uses his little pout to point towards their bedroom. Not only is he weak from the tiredness, he’s also incredibly weak to Donghyuck being subconsciously cute in everything he does, though at this point Donghyuck is already aware of the effect he has on Jaemin, whether he thinks he’s being cute or not. So he makes a start towards their room, Donghyuck following behind him. 

By the time both of them make their way back to bed, Jaemin’s eyes are itchy from his tears earlier and drooping, his eyelids heavy from the sleep deprivation. He’s not over it, what happened today. He doesn’t think he ever will be. It’s a thought that makes him want to run away and hide. He knows that there might be more of this to coming in his line of work. It doesn’t really make it any easier. He wishes he was a better doctor, more skilled and more mentally capable to handle all of this. And when he takes a glance at his boyfriend laying beside him, he wishes he was a better boyfriend too. He hates that he’s ruined today of all days. “I’m sorry.”

Donghyuck understands, of course he does, but he’s not having it. He throws an arm and a leg over Jaemin, wrapping around him like a koala as he burrows into his chest. His voice is muffled when he starts to speak, “Don’t be an idiot Jaemin, you’re here and I love you. That’s enough. It’s more than enough, remember? It’s the best birthday ever.”

“But-”

“Go to sleep, Jaem. You’re here in my arms and you’re safe. Even if you’re not totally okay, you’re safe and you’re you and you’re my most precious gift. I love you just as you are, scars and all. Being with you is what makes me happy. I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend my birthday.”

He isn’t satisfied, of course. In the end, all the more because of everything Donghyuck has told him, he can’t help but want to do more for him. He can’t help but want to give Donghyuck the very best, because he deserves it and because he loves him. Because he can’t even begin to describe how much Donghyuck’s words mean to him. But he’s already drifting off to sleep.

He still doesn’t quite feel like himself. He’s still broken. The ache is still there. But so is Donghyuck. He goes to sleep, peaceful as can be, knowing that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you so much for reading this <33 I’m not sure if I was able to write the characters well or convey their feelings properly and realistically and I’m honestly not that satisfied with the ending but I have no idea how to make it better so I’d really appreciate any comment you could give and I hope you have a wonderful day!


End file.
